This comic perfectly articulates what has been a running theme in my head and I have not been able to voice it so succinctly.
Is there anyone still out there?
I’ve been wanting to post for ages but finding motivation and energy is the hardest part. So my blog is going to have a bit of a Breast Cancer tangent for a while but bigger picture it will still have a wellness and allergy/intolerance focus because the biggest thing this diagnosis has shown me is the immediate need to completely overhaul my life.
But first, let’s survive Chemo!
Do you every get so overwhelmed by everything you have to do you just don’t feel like doing anything? I’m paralysed by indecision. There are so many things I have to/want/should do and also taking into account the wishes of all those around me and I quite often end up doing nothing.
It only took three days of back to normal routine when the kids returned to school for my body to starting complaining and the overwhelming fatigue to return. I can have all the best intentions in the world but when this happens it all goes out the window.
Over the holidays I was able to do little things each morning – taking the time to open all the windows and blinds, put some incense and essential oils on. You’d be surprised how much time this takes up. Now we’re back to the every minute of the day is accounted for lifestyle. I laugh (figuratively – really I get quite annoyed) when people say “Just take some time out for yourself”, or “it won’t take long, just do….”.
You also know the things you are supposed to do like get up at 5am so I can go for a walk/ride/yoga session but I’m usually so tired and drained from the day before that playing on my phone before I get up feels like the only me time in the world. I try it the other way, before I go to sleep at night, but I’m only on it 5 minutes and the phone falls to the floor with a crash startling me awake.
The well wishing people would say go to bed earlier. I’m already going to bed straight after I finally wrangle the kids into theirs! On a good night I might get an hour to myself to vegetate in front of the TV but that is usually in tandem with paying bills, signing school/activity forms, researching or catching up on the million emails and scheduling into my calendar camps, volunteering days, and any other extra curricular activities coming up. If it’s not in my calendar, it doesn’t happen.
I know I’m not the only one. Hats off to all the mothers out there just surviving through each day while the years fly by. This is all the wonderful journey of Motherhood (apparently) but I would just like to have some time to actually spend with my kids and not be so exhausted that I just can’t wait for them to finally go to sleep!
Then there’s the ‘advice’, just let all the other stuff go and enjoy your kids while they are young. Ha! If I let stuff go (like I have this afternoon to write this article) it snowballs until it is actually worse. I would have been better off not having ‘time to myself’ because I’m the one who pays later.
I would love to visit friends and relatives and just hang out more, spend quality time with my kids, get out and live life. However this will take up one of the two days a week I have to squeeze my life into and means that I will have to go without my preparation for the week that helps me stay on top of things.
So I just keep plodding away, trying to implement whatever new strategy the ‘experts’ recommend knowing I’m doing the best I possibly can with the resources I have.
To all the other Mothers – keep on surviving! To all the well-wishers and advice givers – instead of giving unsolicited advice ask ‘What can I do that will help you?’ and don’t judge based on what they ask you to do. It will be important for them even if it doesn’t seem that way to you.
Well after that rant I’m off to bake a chook to feed me for the next few days, make my kids dinner, bake my treats for the week, bake cupcakes for the kids to take to school for when other kids bring in birthday cakes, play Rummikub with my girl and fuck only knows how many other things!
And can someone visit me for a change so I don’t have to go through the whole rigmarole that leaving the house entails?!
It’s been a while since my last post because I’ve been too busy chillin in Byron!!!
For my birthday this year I wanted to be able to go to Byron to chill out, enjoy the local vibes and be able to take my girls somewhere to eat where they could pick anything off the menu to eat. I got to enjoy the vibes but with two kids did not get to really chill. Maybe my expectations were too high or I didn’t look hard enough but I also didn’t find an extensive range of places that the girls could just pick anything off of the menu.
Don’t get me wrong, there was definitely a higher percentage of places that I could buy something for them to eat and I found some really cool places. I still couldn’t find anywhere I could eat anything different but I didn’t really expect it. However I was able to get a steak and chips at the Beach Hotel where they were all too happy to cater to my extreme needs (and didn’t look at me like I am some kind of freak).
If you’re as bad as I am and only down to a few foods and you can tolerate a bit of amines a steak and chips is about all I can eat when I go out. This comes with a lot of caveats and I usually preface it with – “Sorry to be a pain but I have food intolerances…”. Firstly make sure the chips aren’t beer battered (unless you can tolerate gluten) and check which oil they use (be careful with vegetable oil blends). With the steak I have been asking the chefs to cook it in a separate pan so that it doesn’t pick up all the flavours from the grill. Most places are happy to do this for you. The Beach Hotel was one of those places that had no problem with this. I also clarify numerous times that the steak has not been marinated, and make sure it has no seasoning, including pepper (you would be surprised how many times I have to differentiate this!).
Now the girls aren’t as sensitive as me so they could have a few treats. Some great places we found were Bella Rosa Gelateria for Dairy Free sorbet (high in Sals though), Naked Treaties for some protein balls and Santos is my new favourite store!!! I was able to get my Quinoa flakes for an amazing $15kg! The cheapest I have been able to source this is nearly $20kg at coles and up to $30kg in health food stores!
The girls also got to have their first meat pie for a long time from Byron Bay pies who do a great gluten free steak pie at a reasonable price. Also they had great chips and a reasonably priced dairy free smoothie at Munch Juice Bar at Byron West Shopping Fair.
On the way home my husband and I were trying to think of ways we could make a living in Byron!
Got a fair bit done over the last couple of days but my To-Do list seems to be growing rather than shrinking. One week off work just isn’t enough to get through all the chores that accumulate through the year.
Starting on one project always leads to another. One of the must do items on my list was re-pot my office plant (and try not to kill it with my black thumb). That simple task lead to finally re-potting my Mulberry tree, removing all the corpses from the pots on my front patio, which then led to turning the compost which is not looking too happy. Checking on the girls vege garden led to harvesting a heap of mint as it was getting too straggly. So then what do I do with all this mint? Make choc-mint ice cream and dehydrate the rest for later use as a tea or mint sauce of course!
Then I thought while the dehydrator was on I might as well throw in some mango and banana that were nearing the end of their lives. Which actually turned out, unlike the ice cream. That’s the problem with being a bit of a throw it all together type cook. Though I think the thing that really let the ice cream down was subbing honey for some of the rice malt syrup as I had run out. Even the kids wouldn’t eat it – and it had real chocolate chips in it!
Other big ticket items off the list were de-cluttering the kitchen cupboards, cleaning out the end of the bench and top of the fridge disaster areas, putting together a shoe cabinet and best of all teaching my youngest to ride her big two wheeler!
Evidence the Tupperware cupboard was actually tidy and organised! I even put the photo on the cupboard door in the delusion that the two munchkins will keep it that way.
Someone said I should start a blog. I don’t know exactly what it is going to be about but I guess it will evolve over time?
I have a pretty crazy life and fucks me when I’m going to get time to write but maybe putting down my many life lessons may help someone else.
My blog will most likely contain subjects around health, parenting, allergies, food and recipes (even for those who don’t think they can eat anything!) and just an insight into the crazy world of Selena Ellen!
Sorry Mum there may be “Strong Language” and some viewers may find some content disturbing (though I can’t guarantee it)