Do you every get so overwhelmed by everything you have to do you just don’t feel like doing anything? I’m paralysed by indecision. There are so many things I have to/want/should do and also taking into account the wishes of all those around me and I quite often end up doing nothing.
It only took three days of back to normal routine when the kids returned to school for my body to starting complaining and the overwhelming fatigue to return. I can have all the best intentions in the world but when this happens it all goes out the window.
Over the holidays I was able to do little things each morning – taking the time to open all the windows and blinds, put some incense and essential oils on. You’d be surprised how much time this takes up. Now we’re back to the every minute of the day is accounted for lifestyle. I laugh (figuratively – really I get quite annoyed) when people say “Just take some time out for yourself”, or “it won’t take long, just do….”.
You also know the things you are supposed to do like get up at 5am so I can go for a walk/ride/yoga session but I’m usually so tired and drained from the day before that playing on my phone before I get up feels like the only me time in the world. I try it the other way, before I go to sleep at night, but I’m only on it 5 minutes and the phone falls to the floor with a crash startling me awake.
The well wishing people would say go to bed earlier. I’m already going to bed straight after I finally wrangle the kids into theirs! On a good night I might get an hour to myself to vegetate in front of the TV but that is usually in tandem with paying bills, signing school/activity forms, researching or catching up on the million emails and scheduling into my calendar camps, volunteering days, and any other extra curricular activities coming up. If it’s not in my calendar, it doesn’t happen.
I know I’m not the only one. Hats off to all the mothers out there just surviving through each day while the years fly by. This is all the wonderful journey of Motherhood (apparently) but I would just like to have some time to actually spend with my kids and not be so exhausted that I just can’t wait for them to finally go to sleep!
Then there’s the ‘advice’, just let all the other stuff go and enjoy your kids while they are young. Ha! If I let stuff go (like I have this afternoon to write this article) it snowballs until it is actually worse. I would have been better off not having ‘time to myself’ because I’m the one who pays later.
I would love to visit friends and relatives and just hang out more, spend quality time with my kids, get out and live life. However this will take up one of the two days a week I have to squeeze my life into and means that I will have to go without my preparation for the week that helps me stay on top of things.
So I just keep plodding away, trying to implement whatever new strategy the ‘experts’ recommend knowing I’m doing the best I possibly can with the resources I have.
To all the other Mothers – keep on surviving! To all the well-wishers and advice givers – instead of giving unsolicited advice ask ‘What can I do that will help you?’ and don’t judge based on what they ask you to do. It will be important for them even if it doesn’t seem that way to you.
Well after that rant I’m off to bake a chook to feed me for the next few days, make my kids dinner, bake my treats for the week, bake cupcakes for the kids to take to school for when other kids bring in birthday cakes, play Rummikub with my girl and fuck only knows how many other things!
And can someone visit me for a change so I don’t have to go through the whole rigmarole that leaving the house entails?!